Dan Speers
Citizen Poet
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 The Further Adventures of the . . .
 

Come and listen to a story about a family

Just plain wannabe's, living in Alaskan country

Mayor Mom, the kids, a dud, and a dude

While up from the town came a babblin' crude.

 

Wasilla, that's where. Hillbillies.

Well, the first thing you know the RepubliCons cheer

McCain said, "Sarah, we need you here."

Said, "Vice President is the post you ought to seek"

So she laid on some lipstick and made some plans to speak.

 

Speak, she did. Countrified. Katie fried.

Well now voters said goodbye to Palin and her kin

So next she said thank you folks by droppin out but then

You're all invited back again to this local alley

To have a chokin crock of superficiality.

 

Hillbilly that is. No need to spell. Take your pants off.

 

Y'all come back now, y'hear?

Farewell Sara Palin, you left us in a fog.

Still, on one thing we all agree,
Be we friend, be we foe, you left us all agog. 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter's such a backwards lass

Farts from her mouth; talks out her ass.

And here to introduce this poem is Ann Coulter. On the same day that Sarah Palin officially left office, Coulter said, "Palin trumps Obama in power and importance." 

 

 Sarah's Folly . . . 

an ode(r) of media-oddity  

 

 

What's with folksy Sarah Palin

    And her latest ploy?

I suspect a language failing

Is the nexus of her story.

 

Listening to her it's evident

    From all she has said

She relies on befuddlement

To spin her zen of tangled threads.

 

At a makeshift lectern standing

    Friends and family,

Imitation notwithstanding

Fast flown the fame that might have been.

 

I'm not quitting, she was saying

    While she was quitting.

The governor's seat betraying,

The seat she can't stand for, sitting.

 

No, I will not be a lame duck,

    She told a gaggle

Of honking geese with the lame luck

Into Lake Lucille to straggle.

 

Hunkering down is apathy,

    Which governors know

Is what is wrong with a country

That lets dead fish flaot with the flow.

 

I'll protect wildlife, she avows,

    Like life to support.

Except for polar bears. Or wolves

You can shoot from a plane for sport.

 

But ducks and geese and other fowl,

    Dead salmon and carp,

Along with bears and wolves that howl,

Suggest motives more dull than sharp.

 

Said life's too short to compromise,

    Though that's what she did

By thwarting voters with goodbyes.

I am tired of fighting, she said.

 

I am a fighter, she declared,

    In another view.

I thrive on challenge, so beware:

If you make charges, I will sue.

 

Nor does she admit to defeat

    Or predilection

To misattribute a retreat

To flight in the wrong direction.

 

Misdirection is befitting

    The pulling out game.

Fight or not, quitting, not quitting,

Retreat, advance, it's all the same.

 

Palin left her party agape

    Pulling out too soon.

Todd from A-I-P pulled out late;

Not soon enough Levi Johnston.

 

A(h)pathetic, it begs to say

    A dictionary

No doubt borrowed from Tina Fey,

Has this word: Obituary.

 

Since Sarah inventing Sarah

    Is for Sarah's sake

There is naught but illusion there,

The sad delusion she creates.

 

For when you quit a post of trust,

    There's no second round.

All your whining now draws disgust.

You don't stand up by standing down.

Hall of Fame: Pepigrams Readers Loved Best

 

         Half-Baked Alaska

Folks in Alaska have it rough.

Sarah Palin pulled out too soon,

Levi Johnston not soon enough.

FOX News has hired an analyst

As a Liberal nemesis

One Sarah Palin made the list.

Seeking a hit, FOX got a miss.

 

Sarah Palin, who called it quits,

Pulls her facts from she sits.

 

Palin and Cheney hunting schtick

Cheney shoots bird, Sarah a Dick.

Palin never misses a chance.

To celebrate her ignorance.

 

Sarah Palin's new book's a hit.

I'll waste no time in reading it.

 

 Baring Levi

 

If not for Sarah Palin's run,

Would Levi's Levi's be undone?

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

 Levi Johnston's Johnson unshod:
A regular divining rod.

 

            Levi Johnston, Wasilla Hillbilly:

            The Playgirl gig--from nuts to will he?

(Say it out loud--you'll get it!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Oh, Levi, of the golden groin,

Why can't you keep your Levi's on?

 

--On news that Levi Johnston will pose for Playgirl

 

Coming Soon to Playgirl Magazine:   

 

 

        Levi Johnston says Sarah knows,

       What he's got on her to disclose.

       What Levi's got, no one yet knows

       But what he hasn't got is clothes.

 

Levi Johnston shows what he hid

--Which one's bigger: ego or id?

 

  

Mr. J and curls Playgirl bare

They show that there is no there there

But still curls Sarah Palin's hair.

Sarah Palin's Wonderful New Adventure

Sarah Palin's cooking a stew

Called Stand up for Our Nation

She'll furnish the ham and corn, too,

A cHillbilly celebration.

 

NEWS ITEM--Sara Palin seeks job; posts resume on web.

Unique skills include fishing, shooting wolves from airplaines, dissing polar bears, grandmother of child whose father's chief talen is taking his Levi's off, seeing Russia over a sea of krill, and of course, three months in a VP candidate internship.

Sara Palin's cHillbilly skills:

Caught Todd and cod; airborne wolf kills,

Hates bears, Levi bare, and whale krill.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sarah's backyard has bear and cod,

But these days she stays on her tod.

 

--Of course there's a pun in the last line, Here's a clue:,

"on the tod" is an English idiom meaning over the hill

 
On Facebook
 
 Updating Sarah Pailn's latest Facebook Face-Offs is getting funnier by the minute--especially when backed up by a WSJ Op Ed piece in which she not only repeats but elaborborates on her "Death Panel" lies.

Palin's launched a new offensive.

By recklessly repeating lies.

Success! Now, she's more offensive.  

  Earier this summer, I wrote: Former almost everything except Vice President Sarah Palin is leaping off her widely disseminated, thoroughly ridiculed and utterly discredited claim of death panels designed to off the elderly with an equally nonsensical charge that the government is distributing what she calls “death books” urging senior military veterans in VA hospitals to choose euthanasia.

 

  The book in question is merely a guide to advance-care planning required of all health care organizations under federal law, has been in use since 1997, and was developed with the help of health care professionals and the input of interfaith ministers. This pEpigram reflects my view.

Palin's latest death panel lie

Is that we want our vets to die

It's really just a soldier's guide,

Deadly boring, but no misguide.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

    Calling President Barack Obama's health plan “downright evil” and claiming he would create “death panels” that deny care to America's elderly and disabled, former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, fuels the paranoid claim of government-sponsored euthanasia.

 

    BOLO. BOLO. Old Granny's

          on the run.

    Sarah Palin's airborne

          with a loaded gun.

    Although we know

          death panels are fiction,

    They're Packin' Palin's

          deadly ammunition.

       Palin stands by death panel gaff.

       Todd and Levi. Watch for the raft. 

 * * * * *   

   Palin's death panel's paranoid?

   There is no fear when nothing's there,

   What never was always void.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

   The Wasilla ChillBillies   

The continuing adventures of the Wasilla Chillbilly clans, featuring the Palins and the Johnstons. and starring the head Gawkzilla herself, the half-term governor Sarah "Momma Grizzley" Palin.

Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin announced their re-engagement in July, 2010, but called if off after rumors surfaced about Levi's possible love child.

                Levi and Bristol call it quits

                Another conflict over splits.

 

The Sarah Palin book wars have begun

One is a bio, the other's a spoof.

Our question is: Will she read either one?

     The Book Is OUT! And so, appparently, are facts.

I am reading Sarah Palin's book

In a small, but essential nook.

Page after page, in front of me

And soon, page by page, behind me.

 --With a nod to Tallulah Bankhead

  

  Reading Sarah Palin's screed sublime

  In a privy garden sweet with lime

  Passing judgement, one page at a time.

 

  Sarah Palin claims her new book covers

  Everything that's true --about others.

 Lush Lamebrain says Sarah Palin's book is

“...One of the most substantive policy

“Books I've read,” which tells us explicitly,

At reading policy books, he's no whiz.

Sarah Palin, you can't trip her

Sarah Palin, you can't trip her

You think she's gone, but comes the dawn

There's another twit on twitter.

 

twitter twits

      >@craig_crawford All hail these Wasilla Hillbillies / Levi & Palin both raise willy's.

      >@KathiD @MoRocca Levi could do both parts at once / Maude as himself, Harold as dunce.

      >@Neepernu If not for Sarah Palin's run / Would Levi's Levi's be undone?

      >@twilightweirdo Levi Johnston's Johnson unshod/ Is a regular dvining rod.

      >In this we can cuncur / Levi Johnston is a cur.

      >Will our Wasilla Hillbilly / Levi Johnston show his Willie? (With Playgirl he has a pact / So what do we expect?)

      >@AlexisDelCid NASA bombing the moon is cool / Levi mooning us is just cruel.

      >@cherrysberries Levi Johnston must have a golden groin / He sure can't keep his Levi's on.

      >Levi Johnston, Wasilla hillbilly / Has Playgirl gone from nuts to will he?

>@FreeRangeTalk We said this: / Levi Johnston: You sure are nuts. / He heard this: / Show us yer nuts. / He did and he is.

 

Notes from the summer campaign trail:

 

 

McCain's Folly 

There's no wonder that Katie could stump her,

The wonder is McCain doesn't dump her.

 
 

Tunder Head 

All these gaffes from the tundra fed,

Lots of laughs at a dunder head.

Too late McCain to bemoan it,

The whole world knows that you've blown it.

     Teabaggers, Beckians and birthers,

       Town hall American firsters,

       Gun-toting, God-eating thirsters,

       The names are just getting worser.

       And how about this: Palinestas?