Dan Speers
Citizen Poet
Home     Contents     About Citizen Poet     Political Pun-Ditty     Boxes Lie Waiting     Master Spies Die Laughing     Tiger Woods      
Franken -vs- Norm     Palin's Page     Giving It to AIG     Obama Journal     Have They No Cents?     DaughterFodder     Glen Beck      
  

Sarah Palin was paid a fee

To speak words too cheap to be free.

In Nashville now the teabaggers,

The backers, slackers and crackers.

 

Will teabagger make history,

Most dips ever at Grand Ole Opry? 

Gov. Sanford's Lament

 

NEWS ITEM - May 25, 2009 - It began innocently, a woman from Argentina, a man from South Carolina, a conversation, the woman talking about her separation from her husband, the man offering counsel. He asked for her email.

  This was Mark Sanford's story as the governor of South Carolina held a press conference to admit to an affair with a Latin lover from Argentina. The governor had originally clalimed to be hiking the Appalachian Trail, including on a Sunday that happened to be Nude Hiking Day.

  Oddly, his first apology was not to his wife, or sons, or staff, or constituents, or the press. His first regret was proffered to his mistress.

   The press conference went something like this . . .

 

 Don't Cry for Me, Appalachia

 

It wasn't easy, I sounded strange

To ask forgiveness of my mistress

At the press conference

          to explain all that I've done


You must believe me

All you can see is a man who's contrite

His illicit love came to light

After deceiving all of you.


I tried to keep it secret, but that's all changed,

My wife had no doubt, she kicked me out.

She's there, I'm here, so I guess

          you're aware we're estranged.


I didn't seek this

It all started innocently but then

In Buenos Aires

Her lips met mine

In a kiss of hot Latin bliss.


Chorus:


Don't cry for me Appalachia

Your trail is still calling to me

Although I sampled

Love on La Pampas

I'll keep my pants on

For Nude Hiking Day.


As for my career, and my good name

I always took them for granted

Since I showed to the world

           righteous faces of me.


There were illusions

Along with my delusions of promises to keep

And sacred vows I was too weak

           to preserve. I deserve my fate.


Don't cry for me Appalachia.


Chorus:


Don't cry for me Appalachia

Your trail is still calling to me

Although I sampled

Love on La Pampas

I'll keep my pants on

For Nude Hiking Day.

Did I say too much?

There's little more I can add to my email rants,

Since all you have to do

          is read my words to her

         To know why I lost my pants.

Mark Sanford in the Woods

But Wearing His Clothes

Can't Get Enough

of  Mark's Madness?

 

Members of his own party have called on Governor Mark Sanford to resign, suggesting a misappropriation of state funds. Sanford continues to insist that the current wave of indignation is politically motivated.

 

  Jenny Sanford moved out of the governor's mansion, taking their three sons to a family home, and has since written a book detailing her experience. The couple is divorcing.

 

          It wasn't claustrophobia,

          But soul not sole made Jenny leave,

          Saying, bye, bye, Columbia.

 

  Apparently, Gov. Sanford has yet to master theArt of Shut Up. He wrote an Op Ed piece in South Carolina's The State newspaper  recently in which he apologized yet again. He later opined that he was politically dead. When's the wake?

Sanford's grateful for the hole

      into which he fell.

It was, after all, God's will.

     It put the fun in funeral

And opened up for him,

     a better whole to fill.

 

And then, there's the "Family"

 

     Righteousness consolidated.    

     C Street zealots dissipated.

 --Based on a vision and a visit from God in the guise of a CEO, cultists enjoy a tax-free subsidy for their Washington digs.

 

 

 

 Political Pot Shots

 

Joe Wilson's raison d'etre

 

"I won't be muzzled,"  Wilson swore,

He's right, of course. Muzzles are for

             --the other end of the horse. 

--This is the epigram I sent to the South Carolina newspaper, The State.

 

Wilson has a video on his web site vowing not to apologize. He is a hero to the Lush Lamebrain Doo-Doo Heads'

Joe Wilson's real chicanery

Lies in his fake sincerity.

 Joe was moved to tears at a news conference upon his return to South Carolina. Oddly, he blamed his downfall on ACORN. That, of course, is nuts.

 

 Sandford and Wilson both got ripped

 When pants and lips these fools unzipped.

 

The foibles of these South Carolina politicians would be truly funny but for the fact that their state ranks so far behind in health care for women, children, and the poor of all races.

 

     Hour after hour, twelve people die.

     Health insurance they could not buy.

     The land of the free ain't is why.

--Statistic based on a Harvard Research Study 

 

 

 

They May Be Aliens But They Aren't Very Bright Aliens

 

   At a town hall meeting, one of the truly muddled showed up with a picture of the President with a Hitleresque moustache and made accusations of genocide to a man both Jewish and gay.

 

  Incredibly, both Faux News and Lush Lamebrain (and his Doo-Doo heads) took the side of the fool (doubly ironic since these are folks who rant about illegal aliens).

 

What makes aliens 

     from Mars even think

They have the wit 

     to take on Barney Frank?

He is the master of cutting retorts

And the irony is,

     he does it for sport.

The birthers and haters,

     they haven't  a clue

Which of course explains

     the ordure they do.

 

* * * * *

 

     In town hall meets, the lap dogs leap,

     Lying dogs needs be left asleep.